How to Attract a Date

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Date yourself! Yes, the first step to attracting a date is to realistically look in the mirror and consider if you were on the other side, would you date that person.

The second step is to identity five things that make you fun, interesting and appealing and write them down. If you have problems writing down five action words, you should already know you need help. The next step is to turn the paper over and write down five things you believe may hinder you from potentially attracting dates. The items on the back side of the paper are what we want to work on.

While I have no idea what you wrote on your paper, I am going to assume that I will cover at least some of the items in the content that follows. At this point, I am implementing a disclaimer to inform you that I do not have all the answers. The knowledge that I am going to share is based on my experiences and research. I also want to make clear that this writing is about dating only. We need to practice getting past first tier before we move to the next level.

Dating is a necessity in building relationships. Some married couples believe their return to dating helps to keep their romance alive. Dating is a time to communicate interest through discussions that lead to discovery. This should determine if there is a mutual interest. Dating helps you build a relationship before expectations creep in. For this reason, I believe sex too early in the relationship leads to unrealistic assessments and expectations.

Let's talk about how we get to the point where we are attracting dates with a system I call "Sheila's Rules."Rule one; we need to focus on the right thing. Generally, women focus on meeting someone to love and men focus on having sex. If we pay closer attention to what is said and done during the initial meetings instead of focusing on finding a "soul mate" or "sex mate", we increase our chances of developing more meaningful relationships centered on quality.

Rule two, get out and do something besides your daily routine. Unless you are waiting on the mailman/lady, you will never be seen if you are in the house. Change your everyday routine and incorporate something you have not done before.  Rule three; always look your very best. Whether you are running an errand, going to the mall or taking a jog around the corner, make sure your hair is combed, clothes neat and breath is fresh. Feeling good about you is an external reflector. Rule four, change that Attitude. A good attitude at the very least makes you approachable. If your attitude says "don't even think about it," most people will not. My best advice is to check the attitude at the door.  Rule five, lift the Restrictions. Whether man or woman, too many restrictions are a turn off and also limits the pool of potential date candidates. Truthfully, too many restrictions are like roadblocks, difficult to get around. Rule six; concentrate on meeting people and not one person. You want to focus on people who enhance and enrich your life. There are so many life-enriching activities that are fun and fulfilling with or without a date.

The very first thing I suggested was to look in the mirror. The mirror is best known for helping you make an assessment of yourself. We should be realistic about what we see. Am I conscious of my physical appearance? Do I need to update or refresh my wardrobe? Do I need to visit a professional hairstylist or barber? Is my conversation diverse, uplifting and positive? Is my external beauty a reflection of my positive inner self?

Sheila's last rule is to give yourself a boost of confidence. Set a goal and own it. Some confidence builders are staying in touch with your spirituality, keep reaching higher and always look for opportunities that bless your life. "Building confidence requires the ability to believe in yourself or whatever the goal is you want to achieve.  Possessing vision and passion encourages you to enrich your life." Have a great date! 

(Some portions of this article include excerpts from my book, All About the Vets, A Sharing of Life Experiences for Women of Honor.) Reprint with permission only.  

Is Hair Weave the new Diamond?

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I’m not kidding and this is no joke.  There is a new and often violent crime wave sweeping the country where thieves are robbing beauty supplies and stylist salons for human hair weave and extensions.  At least one man has been murdered in Michigan when thieves stole packages of hair valued at $10,000 from his shop. Earlier this week and last month in Atlanta, thieves pulled off smash and grab robberies, each valued at approximately $30,000.  The thieves boldly smashed cars into windows of the establishments similar to big diamond heist in movies. Most of the victimized businesses have video recordings, which helped police find the murderers of Jay Shen in Dearborn, Michigan.  Two young people will spend the rest of their lives in prison for that crime.

The popularity of hair weaves and extensions have made the product more desirable by women of all races and walks of life. While hair weave is very often associated with black women, Hollywood’s new elite reality stars have made weave more popular with Caucasian women. The red carpet awards and ceremonies have just as much added hair on the runway as diamonds and pearls.  This celebrity status and overall demand has caused the price to raise as much as $200 a package for some quality of hair. As Chris Rock pointed out in his movie, Good Hair, some black women are paying as much as $1000 to get weaves and stylists have adapted layaway plan to accommodate the demand.

I’m really not so concerned about whom wears weave, what nationality wears it the most or even how much they pay for it. I truly don’t know that much about weave and extensions as I have never worn any.  I am more concerned about who is buying the stolen goods and the fact that people’s lives are at risk both physically and financially.  I would not support a stylist who purchases these stolen goods because that would be assisting a criminal and no one deserves to be victimized because they are selling a product that is in demand.  The more weave crimes that take place, the higher the retail prices will go up to cover the loss.  Please keep this in mind if the weave dealer comes knocking at your door, “Got that Hair.”

Our Destructive Behaviors

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Although I did not know much about Amy Winehouse's music, I was saddened to hear of her death. Unfortunately, my limited knowledge of Amy is the very public battle she had with drug and alcohol abuse. Without an official autopsy as of this writing, my assumption is Amy's destructive behavior was most likely the cause of her untimely death.

Amy's struggles were not uncommon, as drug and alcohol abuse has been the demise of far too many young people who choose to live destructive lifestyles. Amy's celebrity status gave her addiction national attention, but what about our youth whose abusive behaviors threaten our communities. In my hometown of Chicago, the big news story on Monday mornings is how many innocent youth were killed over the weekend as a result of someone's poor choices. The future of many promising young men and women are forever lost due to destructive behavior brought about by savage mentalities, ignorance and lack of respect for each other.

Destructive lifestyles are not reserved for youth. We need only look within to discover things we are doing without even recognizing that we are creating a pattern of self-destruction in our own lives and the lives of others. We are plagued with health issues and diseases that often can be combatted with proper diets and exercise, yet we continue to abuse our bodies to the point of no return. Our children are far too often victims of physical and sexual abuse by authority figures ranging from parents to ministers, causing them to live in fear and mental anguish. Our leaders would rather destroy our countries for a piece of the action, rather than seek peaceful solutions for the betterment of all.

Destruction is all around us, yet we are only moved when the media brings attention to the lifestyles of people who really add little value to our everyday existence. Yes, I am sad for Amy Winehouse, her family and fans, but I can only pray that this type of international attention will help so many of us recognize our own destructive behaviors and inspire us create a better life and environment for our future existence.

Land of the Midnight Sun

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Check out my new post on blackatlas.com about my adventure to Anchorage, Alaska, "The Land of the Midnight Sun" http://www.blackatlas.com/city​/storydetail/1151/24

Can We Wait On Love?

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While reading an inspirational story one morning, the writer made a point about the need to love and be in a relationship. He reminded readers that having a deeper relationship with God help to nurture loving relationships and told a story about a man who decided to trust that God had someone in mind for him to be his life’s partner. Although he didn’t know who that person was, on those days when he felt most lonely, he wrote love letters to his future spouse. On New Year’s Eve when he had no one to kiss, on Valentine’s Day when he had no one to send him a card, he wrote love letters to “his heart’s desire,” and trusted that God would open his heart and his eyes to the right person. On his wedding day, his gift to his bride was a box of love letters written to her when he didn’t even know who she was. What a beautiful story of preparing for love while trusting in God!


Over the years, I have witnessed people spending countless hours and money trying to decide how to tell someone they loved him or her. Admittedly, I assisted many of those people in my former balloon decorating business by helping turn some of those thoughts into reality. I’ve tied hundreds of balloons to bottles of Cristal champagne, made a three-foot gift basket filled with over $1000 worth of designer perfumes and colognes and camouflaged $5000 cash in a four-foot hot air balloon basket for a client who was surprising his wife with spending money on a trip to meet Nelson Mandela. Most times this was fun and I enjoyed building relationships by helping people with their love adventures.

On the other hand, I’ve witnessed many others spend countless hours looking for someone to love and most important someone to love them. There were even those who spent money sending elaborate arrangements to themselves at the office so others would think they were loved and in a great relationship. Thinking back, I only wish my Christian walk was as it is today, so I could have told them about “real love.” If only they had loved themselves like they wanted someone to love them.

Nearly fifteen years later, some of the relationships I developed in that business are still in my life. Some are friends who have gone on to find love and others are still trusting in God. As we grow older, some of the things that were important in those days don’t seem to matter anymore. We’ve learned to love ourselves by enriching our lives and filling our time with activities that bring value and personal fulfillment. More important, we recognize we do not need other people to define who we are. Those days when we are lonely, we pamper ourselves at a spa, become a mentor, write a book, start a business or hobby, take a weekend trip with friends, but most of all, we keep on trusting in God!

Life Lessons from the NBA

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Although I am in no way classified as an avid sports enthusiast, I found myself unusually drawn to the 2010-2011 NBA season, in particular the playoffs and finals. Typically, I do not watch with any consistency except during the playoffs. This year was different. For the first time since the Bulls reign with Michael Jordan, I was really interested in what happened with the NBA games. Initially, that interest was activated by Derrick Rose and the great year the Chicago Bulls were having after a long hiatus. Certainly LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch of the Miami Heat made me curious to see what game they would bring to the table. The elimination of Boston and LA really elevated my desire to watch young teams like Memphis, Chicago, North Carolina and Kentucky play with precision and skill against more seasoned winning teams. I confess, prior to the finals, I had paid very little attention Dallas and knew for sure Miami would clinch the prestigious NBA title, even writing in a blog about their perseverance and determination. Watching Dallas in the second game of the finals and subsequently winning the NBA title, I realized there are life lessons to be learned from the NBA.

- Don’t judge the book by looking at the cover.

- Great players are created, but you have to build the team.

- There are many great runners in the race, but only one winner.

- Losing can be a humbling experience.

- Good things come to those who wait.

- Age ain’t nothing but a number.

- When you lose, you can always pick up the pieces and get back on track.

Looking forward to the 2011-12 NBA Season.