Are You a Difference Maker?

Follow @MsMobetter

During this season of reflection, many people ponder the question, “Where am I today?” Some review the year past and think, “Wow! What a great year,” while others eagerly look forward to the next year, with anticipation of better times.

Some years ago, during my period of reflection, I read an editor’s magazine note which asked the question, “Where are you today?” The author went on to describe how many people are in exactly the same place they were one, five, ten and even fifteen years prior?  Each year, we make resolutions to change among other things; finances, weight, diets, careers and situations.  Some succeed, and others retreat back into the routines that have stalled their progress for many years.

The editor called for readers to make a commitment to move out of situations that keep them in bondage.  Truthfully, the article resonated with me because it was during a period in my life when I was stuck. I felt my business was not growing.  I was losing my creativity and I lived in a city where opportunities came in the form of being accepted by the right cliché.  I was the person the editor was speaking to, but I knew I could not remain in the situation another year.  At that defining moment, I made a resolution to resolve the issues that had not changed in a few years, so that I could move from bondage to freedom.

Resolutions are important to people and most are sincere about making a commitment to change.  I conclude the reason many do not succeed beyond the first few months is the difficulty in leaving your comfort zone.  Transitioning to live outside your comfort zone requires that you submit to making a difference in your life.   A difference maker can meet a need in spite of the condition. A difference maker does not give in to the situation, whether it is losing weight, reducing debt or leaving a negative situation. A difference maker develops a plan, takes actions to improve, increase and progress.  A difference maker realizes the goal may not be reached in one month, six months or even a year, but remains focused on achieving divine order in their life.

Reflection is a great way to begin a renewal process.  If you are honest with yourself during reflection times, you can envision the direction and path needed to elevate your growth.  The good news is opportunity awaits you and the door only closes if you don’t act.

Was Tyler Perry on the Drug, “All About Me?”

Follow @MsMobetter

Tyler Perry must have been on a drug called “All About Me” when he wrote his open letter to defend the choice of Kim Kardashian for his upcoming movie, “The Marriage Counselor. “ I truly believe Tyler should have the right to cast as he pleases for his movie and from a business perspective; I support him for wanting to expand his reach.  There are, however, precautions for every business decision.

The fact that fans were outraged and disappointed at his selection of Kim for the “small role” should have prompted him to be more compassionate and perhaps listen to his fans more before deciding to be heard in a “comedic” rebuttal, which I failed to see the humor.    To complicate matters more, he defends his choice by stating “millions of youth look up to Kim.”  Most parents should be concerned about that statement. It has long been established that Kim’s background and open life is certainly not one the average parent would want their daughters to emulate.

In actuality, agree or not, Kim does have a black fan base that have watched and supported the Kardashian Family reality series since its inception.  Far too often, the movie and TV industry take the African American audience for granted because research shows our families watch “far too much” TV.  The problem is Kim’s fan base (or not) got so caught up in her reality show being real, they feel disappointed, used and outraged by her marriage “fiasco.”  It was not just black women who were angry, women all around the nation voiced outrage and disgust at the 72 day marriage that was so carefully played out on TV.  The whole engagement and planning was staged as a fantasy wedding, which the average young woman dreams of having someday.  To witness the marriage end abruptly was like crushing a dream. The speculation that Kim and Kris profited from the wedding only added fuel to the fire.

To his majority fan base “Black women”, Tyler Perry’s movies are just as real as life.  I completely understand Tyler casted the role of marriage counselor prior to Kim’s decision to dissolve her marriage, but certainly he should have reconsidered casting someone who had just made a public mockery out of marriage (whether intentional or not)?  Unfortunately, this was poor timing and since the part is supposedly a “small role,” Tyler could have very easily cast Kim in another movie down the road.  Besides, don’t we know from her reality show that Kim is so busy; she did not even have time for her new husband?  I wander if Tyler even talked to Madea about his decision.

Personally, I am more disappointed that the lead role in the movie played by Jurnee Smolet is being overshadowed because of this unnecessary distraction.  Jurnee is a young woman who I have followed since she was a little girl and feel she is a superb “real” actress that Hollywood has underused.  I pray that this movie will allow Jurnee to move to a level of super stardom which is deserving of her skills and talent.

As for Tyler Perry, he will survive.  His letter made very clear that he was not going to change his selection for the role he cast Kim for.  This is not a moral issue for Tyler.  He is determined to expand his reach to a more diverse audience by any means necessary.  In doing so, I hope he does not lose sight of the audience that has provided him the luxury of being in a position to expand.  A quick detox from the “All About Me” drug may be a good remedy.

How to Attract a Date

Follow @MsMobetter

Date yourself! Yes, the first step to attracting a date is to realistically look in the mirror and consider if you were on the other side, would you date that person.

The second step is to identity five things that make you fun, interesting and appealing and write them down. If you have problems writing down five action words, you should already know you need help. The next step is to turn the paper over and write down five things you believe may hinder you from potentially attracting dates. The items on the back side of the paper are what we want to work on.

While I have no idea what you wrote on your paper, I am going to assume that I will cover at least some of the items in the content that follows. At this point, I am implementing a disclaimer to inform you that I do not have all the answers. The knowledge that I am going to share is based on my experiences and research. I also want to make clear that this writing is about dating only. We need to practice getting past first tier before we move to the next level.

Dating is a necessity in building relationships. Some married couples believe their return to dating helps to keep their romance alive. Dating is a time to communicate interest through discussions that lead to discovery. This should determine if there is a mutual interest. Dating helps you build a relationship before expectations creep in. For this reason, I believe sex too early in the relationship leads to unrealistic assessments and expectations.

Let's talk about how we get to the point where we are attracting dates with a system I call "Sheila's Rules."Rule one; we need to focus on the right thing. Generally, women focus on meeting someone to love and men focus on having sex. If we pay closer attention to what is said and done during the initial meetings instead of focusing on finding a "soul mate" or "sex mate", we increase our chances of developing more meaningful relationships centered on quality.

Rule two, get out and do something besides your daily routine. Unless you are waiting on the mailman/lady, you will never be seen if you are in the house. Change your everyday routine and incorporate something you have not done before.  Rule three; always look your very best. Whether you are running an errand, going to the mall or taking a jog around the corner, make sure your hair is combed, clothes neat and breath is fresh. Feeling good about you is an external reflector. Rule four, change that Attitude. A good attitude at the very least makes you approachable. If your attitude says "don't even think about it," most people will not. My best advice is to check the attitude at the door.  Rule five, lift the Restrictions. Whether man or woman, too many restrictions are a turn off and also limits the pool of potential date candidates. Truthfully, too many restrictions are like roadblocks, difficult to get around. Rule six; concentrate on meeting people and not one person. You want to focus on people who enhance and enrich your life. There are so many life-enriching activities that are fun and fulfilling with or without a date.

The very first thing I suggested was to look in the mirror. The mirror is best known for helping you make an assessment of yourself. We should be realistic about what we see. Am I conscious of my physical appearance? Do I need to update or refresh my wardrobe? Do I need to visit a professional hairstylist or barber? Is my conversation diverse, uplifting and positive? Is my external beauty a reflection of my positive inner self?

Sheila's last rule is to give yourself a boost of confidence. Set a goal and own it. Some confidence builders are staying in touch with your spirituality, keep reaching higher and always look for opportunities that bless your life. "Building confidence requires the ability to believe in yourself or whatever the goal is you want to achieve.  Possessing vision and passion encourages you to enrich your life." Have a great date! 

(Some portions of this article include excerpts from my book, All About the Vets, A Sharing of Life Experiences for Women of Honor.) Reprint with permission only.  

Is Hair Weave the new Diamond?

Follow @MsMobetter

I’m not kidding and this is no joke.  There is a new and often violent crime wave sweeping the country where thieves are robbing beauty supplies and stylist salons for human hair weave and extensions.  At least one man has been murdered in Michigan when thieves stole packages of hair valued at $10,000 from his shop. Earlier this week and last month in Atlanta, thieves pulled off smash and grab robberies, each valued at approximately $30,000.  The thieves boldly smashed cars into windows of the establishments similar to big diamond heist in movies. Most of the victimized businesses have video recordings, which helped police find the murderers of Jay Shen in Dearborn, Michigan.  Two young people will spend the rest of their lives in prison for that crime.

The popularity of hair weaves and extensions have made the product more desirable by women of all races and walks of life. While hair weave is very often associated with black women, Hollywood’s new elite reality stars have made weave more popular with Caucasian women. The red carpet awards and ceremonies have just as much added hair on the runway as diamonds and pearls.  This celebrity status and overall demand has caused the price to raise as much as $200 a package for some quality of hair. As Chris Rock pointed out in his movie, Good Hair, some black women are paying as much as $1000 to get weaves and stylists have adapted layaway plan to accommodate the demand.

I’m really not so concerned about whom wears weave, what nationality wears it the most or even how much they pay for it. I truly don’t know that much about weave and extensions as I have never worn any.  I am more concerned about who is buying the stolen goods and the fact that people’s lives are at risk both physically and financially.  I would not support a stylist who purchases these stolen goods because that would be assisting a criminal and no one deserves to be victimized because they are selling a product that is in demand.  The more weave crimes that take place, the higher the retail prices will go up to cover the loss.  Please keep this in mind if the weave dealer comes knocking at your door, “Got that Hair.”

Our Destructive Behaviors

http://twitter.com/MsMobetter


Although I did not know much about Amy Winehouse's music, I was saddened to hear of her death. Unfortunately, my limited knowledge of Amy is the very public battle she had with drug and alcohol abuse. Without an official autopsy as of this writing, my assumption is Amy's destructive behavior was most likely the cause of her untimely death.

Amy's struggles were not uncommon, as drug and alcohol abuse has been the demise of far too many young people who choose to live destructive lifestyles. Amy's celebrity status gave her addiction national attention, but what about our youth whose abusive behaviors threaten our communities. In my hometown of Chicago, the big news story on Monday mornings is how many innocent youth were killed over the weekend as a result of someone's poor choices. The future of many promising young men and women are forever lost due to destructive behavior brought about by savage mentalities, ignorance and lack of respect for each other.

Destructive lifestyles are not reserved for youth. We need only look within to discover things we are doing without even recognizing that we are creating a pattern of self-destruction in our own lives and the lives of others. We are plagued with health issues and diseases that often can be combatted with proper diets and exercise, yet we continue to abuse our bodies to the point of no return. Our children are far too often victims of physical and sexual abuse by authority figures ranging from parents to ministers, causing them to live in fear and mental anguish. Our leaders would rather destroy our countries for a piece of the action, rather than seek peaceful solutions for the betterment of all.

Destruction is all around us, yet we are only moved when the media brings attention to the lifestyles of people who really add little value to our everyday existence. Yes, I am sad for Amy Winehouse, her family and fans, but I can only pray that this type of international attention will help so many of us recognize our own destructive behaviors and inspire us create a better life and environment for our future existence.

Land of the Midnight Sun

http://twitter.com/MsMobetter

Check out my new post on blackatlas.com about my adventure to Anchorage, Alaska, "The Land of the Midnight Sun" http://www.blackatlas.com/city​/storydetail/1151/24