http://twitter.com/MsMobetter
Check out my new post on blackatlas.com about my adventure to Anchorage, Alaska, "The Land of the Midnight Sun" http://www.blackatlas.com/city/storydetail/1151/24
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Can We Wait On Love?
http://twitter.com/MsMobetter
While reading an inspirational story one morning, the writer made a point about the need to love and be in a relationship. He reminded readers that having a deeper relationship with God help to nurture loving relationships and told a story about a man who decided to trust that God had someone in mind for him to be his life’s partner. Although he didn’t know who that person was, on those days when he felt most lonely, he wrote love letters to his future spouse. On New Year’s Eve when he had no one to kiss, on Valentine’s Day when he had no one to send him a card, he wrote love letters to “his heart’s desire,” and trusted that God would open his heart and his eyes to the right person. On his wedding day, his gift to his bride was a box of love letters written to her when he didn’t even know who she was. What a beautiful story of preparing for love while trusting in God!
Over the years, I have witnessed people spending countless hours and money trying to decide how to tell someone they loved him or her. Admittedly, I assisted many of those people in my former balloon decorating business by helping turn some of those thoughts into reality. I’ve tied hundreds of balloons to bottles of Cristal champagne, made a three-foot gift basket filled with over $1000 worth of designer perfumes and colognes and camouflaged $5000 cash in a four-foot hot air balloon basket for a client who was surprising his wife with spending money on a trip to meet Nelson Mandela. Most times this was fun and I enjoyed building relationships by helping people with their love adventures.
On the other hand, I’ve witnessed many others spend countless hours looking for someone to love and most important someone to love them. There were even those who spent money sending elaborate arrangements to themselves at the office so others would think they were loved and in a great relationship. Thinking back, I only wish my Christian walk was as it is today, so I could have told them about “real love.” If only they had loved themselves like they wanted someone to love them.
Nearly fifteen years later, some of the relationships I developed in that business are still in my life. Some are friends who have gone on to find love and others are still trusting in God. As we grow older, some of the things that were important in those days don’t seem to matter anymore. We’ve learned to love ourselves by enriching our lives and filling our time with activities that bring value and personal fulfillment. More important, we recognize we do not need other people to define who we are. Those days when we are lonely, we pamper ourselves at a spa, become a mentor, write a book, start a business or hobby, take a weekend trip with friends, but most of all, we keep on trusting in God!
While reading an inspirational story one morning, the writer made a point about the need to love and be in a relationship. He reminded readers that having a deeper relationship with God help to nurture loving relationships and told a story about a man who decided to trust that God had someone in mind for him to be his life’s partner. Although he didn’t know who that person was, on those days when he felt most lonely, he wrote love letters to his future spouse. On New Year’s Eve when he had no one to kiss, on Valentine’s Day when he had no one to send him a card, he wrote love letters to “his heart’s desire,” and trusted that God would open his heart and his eyes to the right person. On his wedding day, his gift to his bride was a box of love letters written to her when he didn’t even know who she was. What a beautiful story of preparing for love while trusting in God!
Over the years, I have witnessed people spending countless hours and money trying to decide how to tell someone they loved him or her. Admittedly, I assisted many of those people in my former balloon decorating business by helping turn some of those thoughts into reality. I’ve tied hundreds of balloons to bottles of Cristal champagne, made a three-foot gift basket filled with over $1000 worth of designer perfumes and colognes and camouflaged $5000 cash in a four-foot hot air balloon basket for a client who was surprising his wife with spending money on a trip to meet Nelson Mandela. Most times this was fun and I enjoyed building relationships by helping people with their love adventures.
On the other hand, I’ve witnessed many others spend countless hours looking for someone to love and most important someone to love them. There were even those who spent money sending elaborate arrangements to themselves at the office so others would think they were loved and in a great relationship. Thinking back, I only wish my Christian walk was as it is today, so I could have told them about “real love.” If only they had loved themselves like they wanted someone to love them.
Nearly fifteen years later, some of the relationships I developed in that business are still in my life. Some are friends who have gone on to find love and others are still trusting in God. As we grow older, some of the things that were important in those days don’t seem to matter anymore. We’ve learned to love ourselves by enriching our lives and filling our time with activities that bring value and personal fulfillment. More important, we recognize we do not need other people to define who we are. Those days when we are lonely, we pamper ourselves at a spa, become a mentor, write a book, start a business or hobby, take a weekend trip with friends, but most of all, we keep on trusting in God!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Life Lessons from the NBA
http://twitter.com/MsMobetter
Although I am in no way classified as an avid sports enthusiast, I found myself unusually drawn to the 2010-2011 NBA season, in particular the playoffs and finals. Typically, I do not watch with any consistency except during the playoffs. This year was different. For the first time since the Bulls reign with Michael Jordan, I was really interested in what happened with the NBA games. Initially, that interest was activated by Derrick Rose and the great year the Chicago Bulls were having after a long hiatus. Certainly LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch of the Miami Heat made me curious to see what game they would bring to the table. The elimination of Boston and LA really elevated my desire to watch young teams like Memphis, Chicago, North Carolina and Kentucky play with precision and skill against more seasoned winning teams. I confess, prior to the finals, I had paid very little attention Dallas and knew for sure Miami would clinch the prestigious NBA title, even writing in a blog about their perseverance and determination. Watching Dallas in the second game of the finals and subsequently winning the NBA title, I realized there are life lessons to be learned from the NBA.
- Don’t judge the book by looking at the cover.
- Great players are created, but you have to build the team.
- There are many great runners in the race, but only one winner.
- Losing can be a humbling experience.
- Good things come to those who wait.
- Age ain’t nothing but a number.
- When you lose, you can always pick up the pieces and get back on track.
Looking forward to the 2011-12 NBA Season.
Although I am in no way classified as an avid sports enthusiast, I found myself unusually drawn to the 2010-2011 NBA season, in particular the playoffs and finals. Typically, I do not watch with any consistency except during the playoffs. This year was different. For the first time since the Bulls reign with Michael Jordan, I was really interested in what happened with the NBA games. Initially, that interest was activated by Derrick Rose and the great year the Chicago Bulls were having after a long hiatus. Certainly LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosch of the Miami Heat made me curious to see what game they would bring to the table. The elimination of Boston and LA really elevated my desire to watch young teams like Memphis, Chicago, North Carolina and Kentucky play with precision and skill against more seasoned winning teams. I confess, prior to the finals, I had paid very little attention Dallas and knew for sure Miami would clinch the prestigious NBA title, even writing in a blog about their perseverance and determination. Watching Dallas in the second game of the finals and subsequently winning the NBA title, I realized there are life lessons to be learned from the NBA.
- Don’t judge the book by looking at the cover.
- Great players are created, but you have to build the team.
- There are many great runners in the race, but only one winner.
- Losing can be a humbling experience.
- Good things come to those who wait.
- Age ain’t nothing but a number.
- When you lose, you can always pick up the pieces and get back on track.
Looking forward to the 2011-12 NBA Season.
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Scottie Pippin Controversy
Someone on my Facebook page just suggested when I responded to his post that I said Scottie Pippin dogged Michael Jordan and I replied, "Never said he dogged MJ. Just said, "Who asked him and why was it even necessary? I respect him for his opinion, but some things can be left alone. For the record, there are many things Scottie could say about both MJ and KJ to encourage young people, like how hard they worked at their craft to be better than average, they both will go down in history as two of the best players ever in the NBA, and what I used to remind students when I taught who wanted to emulate KJ, that he graduated with honors. Scottie should make comments that bring young people together rather than separate because as KJ says on a commercial, they are role models and they can't forget they had role models when they grew up."
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Power of Perseverance and Determination
I predict the Miami Heat to win the 2011 NBA Championship. It’s not because they are my favorite team. It is the demonstration of perseverance and determination I have witnessed in LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and their trusted helpmate, Chris Bosh. Together with their teammates, they have achieved in one season what many (including the writer) said they would not do or should not have done. In spite of the bad press and slow start, the Miami Heat are on the brink of giving LeBron what he left the Cavaliers to achieve, “a championship team.”
Winning an NBA championship is a massive undertaking and players really have to be committed to their vision with a team effort. There is value in staying focused on your goals, but perseverance is the difference between the winner and the winning team. There were several personal set-backs for LeBron and Dwayne during the year. Many would have cracked under the pressures, but the dual stayed true to the vision and are on the brink of making their “mission possible.”
I am a Chicago Bulls fan and excited about the great job Derrick Rose, Coach Thibodeau and the team were able to accomplish with the MVP accolades. However, we all can benefit from the lesson we are receiving by watching the Miami Heat’s tremendous execution in setting and achieving their goal with perseverance and determination.
Winning an NBA championship is a massive undertaking and players really have to be committed to their vision with a team effort. There is value in staying focused on your goals, but perseverance is the difference between the winner and the winning team. There were several personal set-backs for LeBron and Dwayne during the year. Many would have cracked under the pressures, but the dual stayed true to the vision and are on the brink of making their “mission possible.”
I am a Chicago Bulls fan and excited about the great job Derrick Rose, Coach Thibodeau and the team were able to accomplish with the MVP accolades. However, we all can benefit from the lesson we are receiving by watching the Miami Heat’s tremendous execution in setting and achieving their goal with perseverance and determination.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Black Women Should Fight Back!
Black Women Should Fight Back!
I went back in history and pulled out a quote from my sister Fannie Lou Hamer to write this article, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired." After tossing my thoughts around for a few days in order to suppress my anger about the latest negative comments from a black man, Albert Haynesworth of the Washington Redskins, regarding black women when defending the allegations that he assaulted a black waitress, "I didn't touch her. I don't even like black girls. I know what this is about; she is just upset I have a white girlfriend. I couldn't tell you the last time I dated a black girl. She was trying to get with me", I succumbed to the pen. Actually Albert, the word is black women, not girls, and we are not upset because you have a white girlfriend or even that white women are your preference. We are upset because you and others like you make dumb statements that degrade black women to support your preference.
I took the liberty to research Albert Haynesworth specifically to find out if he had a black mom that worked her butt off to make sure her family had food, clothes, education and a home regardless of their economic status. As I suspected, the Washington Post printed an article in May, 2009 with the headline, "Redskins' Albert Haynesworth's mother knew best" (http://hamptonroads.com/2009/05/redskins-albert-haynesworths-mother-knew-best). There it was, in living color, a big picture of Albert "don't like black girls" Haynesworth and his beautiful black mom. Albert's mom worked as a seamstress in a factory, machinist and truck driver to support the family and provide a good home for them after her divorce from his dad, which is not an unfamiliar story among single mothers of many black athletes. Most interesting in the article is when a teacher suggested six year old Albert may need medication to suppress his behavior in class, his mom developed her own remarkable routine of getting him up every morning at 6:00 am and running him around the house to reduce his excitement, which she reported to be successful in calming Albert in class. I consider this an honorable action as surely his mom must have been tired from working long hours, but placed her son first, which quite possible was the impetus for him developing his talent for the NFL. The fact that Albert would make such a blatant statement about black women is a direct insult to the person who not only paved the way for his success, but gave birth to him. Unfortunately, he and other black men like him don't understand that negative actions and statements about black women does not separate his mom. It makes her inclusive in the race of women he does not like.
When researching Albert, the information I found did not get better, it got worse. Chad Ochocinco (the football player formerly known as Chad Johnson), reportedly requested that no black women be a part of his 2010 reality show, the "Ultimate Catch." I watched possibly two episodes and realized up front that Chad was not into dating black women judging from the selection. The producers were even a bit blown away by his actions and protested when he suggested the pre-selected black women be replaced with Caucasian and Hispanic women. They managed to talk him into placing two obviously token black women who were later booted. To his credit, unlike Albert (to date), Chad did make a public statement, "As a kid growing up, I developed a strong sense of self-worth from the incredible women in my life, all of whom were black. I am the man who I am today because of black women, and I am forever grateful for the values and strength they instilled in me....... Bottom line is that I love black women. I got four beautiful children and their mother is black." While this does not excuse his behavior, at least he made an attempt to correct his actions. Again, the anger was not about his preference, it was about a black man refusing to want beautiful black women included in his reality show. Are we not worthy of an "Ultimate Catch" or is this an option strictly reserved for non-black women?
Apparently an Asian psychologist by the name of Satoshi Kanazawa thinks he has come up with the answer. In his May, 2011 article in the "well-regarded" publication, Psychology Today, entitled Why Black Women Are Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women, Kanazawa supposedly conducted a study which suggested among women, black women are less attractive. Blackvoices.com published a reprint because Psychology Today pulled the article due to the huge public outrage from all races and genders causing the site to crash. I am appalled a publication of this distinction would even allow an unfounded article which lacks competent proof to support the findings and makes a generalization about groups of women based on what appears as a personal opinion to be published.
Kanazawa's conclusions quite honestly were more disgusting and more damaging than the statements and actions we as black women receive from some black men.
"There are many biological and genetic differences between the races. However, such race differences usually exist in equal measure for both men and women. For example, because they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races. And the mutation loads significantly decrease physical attractiveness. But since both black women and black men have higher mutation loads, it cannot explain why only black women are less physically attractive, while black men are, if anything, more attractive."
This comment suggests that black women are damaged from genetics. To be more specific, Kanazawa is saying it's in our DNA to be less attractive. In researching mutation loads, I found no evidence to suggest his statement has any validity from a physical prospective, but medically lower levels of mutation may produce diseases such as Sickle Cell Anemia which is prevalent in African Americans and more recently a growing number of Hispanics.
"The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races."
Kanazawa is suggesting with this statement that black women look manly and masculine. I almost had to laugh to keep from crying. Is this man a psychologist or psychotic? This is taking me back to black people have tails and the Mandingo myth about the size of a black man's penis. Where are the facts to support his statements? While there is some evidence to support that African Americans, particularly younger black men have higher testosterone levels, Kanazawa provides no scientific evidence to support that black women are less attractive than non-black women because of testosterone. Also important to note, he makes a suggestion that black men are less intelligent, though more attractive than men of other races. In his research, black men get all the props (par intelligence) and sisters are the lowest form of human beauty.
The danger in this and other "research" by people who are non-black and have no idea about black women, their life or experiences is damaging and adds to the difficulties that continues to plague black women who have fought for so long to erase the negative images around the world. Additionally, this type of labeling lowers the self-esteem of young black girls who often struggle with their image due to constant reminders from media that the perception of true beauty is the 3% of white women and girls they see on TV, movies, print, and online.
I suggest that black women begin to fight back with a vengeance. I don't mean with finger pointing and head swirling. I mean we need to speak out loudly against all the negative media, research and opinions about who we are and how we look. We should use our voices to sing positive songs of praise about our sisters and their struggle. Instead of imitating black women on shows like Basketball Wives and Housewives of Atlanta, we should contact the producers and ask them to present more positive images of black women and relationships with black men or we will boycott watching these shows which rank tops among black TV viewing audiences. A black male told me the reason he does not like Housewives of Atlanta is all the other Housewives shows portray white women in positive relationships with husbands that have successful careers and businesses and the Atlanta program only show black women in successful relationships with gay black men. Black women should demand organizations like the NFL and NBA publicly denounce the derogatory statements these athletics make against black women. In fact, women in general should not be degraded by their players. These organizations should provide life skill classes to help reduce the often public disregard of women by a growing number athletics for their verbal and domestic abuse.
If we support each other and present our positive voices and accomplishments to America and the world, we can reduce negative and encourage positive images. We should not argue with someone about their preference, but we can denounce and boycott anyone who degrades black women because of their own ignorance.
Read the article Why Black Women Are Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women @
http://conversations.blackvoices.com/entertainment/99435682aaea4564b24369ed6fc90973/sistas-they-still-s%20.../5241bb8866a545a7aafefe26b6268e01?sn=3
reprint with permission only May 2011
I went back in history and pulled out a quote from my sister Fannie Lou Hamer to write this article, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired." After tossing my thoughts around for a few days in order to suppress my anger about the latest negative comments from a black man, Albert Haynesworth of the Washington Redskins, regarding black women when defending the allegations that he assaulted a black waitress, "I didn't touch her. I don't even like black girls. I know what this is about; she is just upset I have a white girlfriend. I couldn't tell you the last time I dated a black girl. She was trying to get with me", I succumbed to the pen. Actually Albert, the word is black women, not girls, and we are not upset because you have a white girlfriend or even that white women are your preference. We are upset because you and others like you make dumb statements that degrade black women to support your preference.
I took the liberty to research Albert Haynesworth specifically to find out if he had a black mom that worked her butt off to make sure her family had food, clothes, education and a home regardless of their economic status. As I suspected, the Washington Post printed an article in May, 2009 with the headline, "Redskins' Albert Haynesworth's mother knew best" (http://hamptonroads.com/2009/05/redskins-albert-haynesworths-mother-knew-best). There it was, in living color, a big picture of Albert "don't like black girls" Haynesworth and his beautiful black mom. Albert's mom worked as a seamstress in a factory, machinist and truck driver to support the family and provide a good home for them after her divorce from his dad, which is not an unfamiliar story among single mothers of many black athletes. Most interesting in the article is when a teacher suggested six year old Albert may need medication to suppress his behavior in class, his mom developed her own remarkable routine of getting him up every morning at 6:00 am and running him around the house to reduce his excitement, which she reported to be successful in calming Albert in class. I consider this an honorable action as surely his mom must have been tired from working long hours, but placed her son first, which quite possible was the impetus for him developing his talent for the NFL. The fact that Albert would make such a blatant statement about black women is a direct insult to the person who not only paved the way for his success, but gave birth to him. Unfortunately, he and other black men like him don't understand that negative actions and statements about black women does not separate his mom. It makes her inclusive in the race of women he does not like.
When researching Albert, the information I found did not get better, it got worse. Chad Ochocinco (the football player formerly known as Chad Johnson), reportedly requested that no black women be a part of his 2010 reality show, the "Ultimate Catch." I watched possibly two episodes and realized up front that Chad was not into dating black women judging from the selection. The producers were even a bit blown away by his actions and protested when he suggested the pre-selected black women be replaced with Caucasian and Hispanic women. They managed to talk him into placing two obviously token black women who were later booted. To his credit, unlike Albert (to date), Chad did make a public statement, "As a kid growing up, I developed a strong sense of self-worth from the incredible women in my life, all of whom were black. I am the man who I am today because of black women, and I am forever grateful for the values and strength they instilled in me....... Bottom line is that I love black women. I got four beautiful children and their mother is black." While this does not excuse his behavior, at least he made an attempt to correct his actions. Again, the anger was not about his preference, it was about a black man refusing to want beautiful black women included in his reality show. Are we not worthy of an "Ultimate Catch" or is this an option strictly reserved for non-black women?
Apparently an Asian psychologist by the name of Satoshi Kanazawa thinks he has come up with the answer. In his May, 2011 article in the "well-regarded" publication, Psychology Today, entitled Why Black Women Are Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women, Kanazawa supposedly conducted a study which suggested among women, black women are less attractive. Blackvoices.com published a reprint because Psychology Today pulled the article due to the huge public outrage from all races and genders causing the site to crash. I am appalled a publication of this distinction would even allow an unfounded article which lacks competent proof to support the findings and makes a generalization about groups of women based on what appears as a personal opinion to be published.
Kanazawa's conclusions quite honestly were more disgusting and more damaging than the statements and actions we as black women receive from some black men.
"There are many biological and genetic differences between the races. However, such race differences usually exist in equal measure for both men and women. For example, because they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races. And the mutation loads significantly decrease physical attractiveness. But since both black women and black men have higher mutation loads, it cannot explain why only black women are less physically attractive, while black men are, if anything, more attractive."
This comment suggests that black women are damaged from genetics. To be more specific, Kanazawa is saying it's in our DNA to be less attractive. In researching mutation loads, I found no evidence to suggest his statement has any validity from a physical prospective, but medically lower levels of mutation may produce diseases such as Sickle Cell Anemia which is prevalent in African Americans and more recently a growing number of Hispanics.
"The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races."
Kanazawa is suggesting with this statement that black women look manly and masculine. I almost had to laugh to keep from crying. Is this man a psychologist or psychotic? This is taking me back to black people have tails and the Mandingo myth about the size of a black man's penis. Where are the facts to support his statements? While there is some evidence to support that African Americans, particularly younger black men have higher testosterone levels, Kanazawa provides no scientific evidence to support that black women are less attractive than non-black women because of testosterone. Also important to note, he makes a suggestion that black men are less intelligent, though more attractive than men of other races. In his research, black men get all the props (par intelligence) and sisters are the lowest form of human beauty.
The danger in this and other "research" by people who are non-black and have no idea about black women, their life or experiences is damaging and adds to the difficulties that continues to plague black women who have fought for so long to erase the negative images around the world. Additionally, this type of labeling lowers the self-esteem of young black girls who often struggle with their image due to constant reminders from media that the perception of true beauty is the 3% of white women and girls they see on TV, movies, print, and online.
I suggest that black women begin to fight back with a vengeance. I don't mean with finger pointing and head swirling. I mean we need to speak out loudly against all the negative media, research and opinions about who we are and how we look. We should use our voices to sing positive songs of praise about our sisters and their struggle. Instead of imitating black women on shows like Basketball Wives and Housewives of Atlanta, we should contact the producers and ask them to present more positive images of black women and relationships with black men or we will boycott watching these shows which rank tops among black TV viewing audiences. A black male told me the reason he does not like Housewives of Atlanta is all the other Housewives shows portray white women in positive relationships with husbands that have successful careers and businesses and the Atlanta program only show black women in successful relationships with gay black men. Black women should demand organizations like the NFL and NBA publicly denounce the derogatory statements these athletics make against black women. In fact, women in general should not be degraded by their players. These organizations should provide life skill classes to help reduce the often public disregard of women by a growing number athletics for their verbal and domestic abuse.
If we support each other and present our positive voices and accomplishments to America and the world, we can reduce negative and encourage positive images. We should not argue with someone about their preference, but we can denounce and boycott anyone who degrades black women because of their own ignorance.
Read the article Why Black Women Are Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women @
http://conversations.blackvoices.com/entertainment/99435682aaea4564b24369ed6fc90973/sistas-they-still-s%20.../5241bb8866a545a7aafefe26b6268e01?sn=3
reprint with permission only May 2011
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About Me
- Onesheila
- Chicago, IL, United States
- “Mo Better” Inspiration is an arena for a sharing of informative, education, and discussions on issues pertaining to our world, lifestyles, communities, personal growth, inspiration, and cultural awareness. “Mo Better” Inspiration is a global blog where people with similarities and differences can exchange information, ideas and viewpoints designed for a positive blog experience. I encourage people from around the world to participate in engaging discussions that stimulate the mind.